Woy vs. Johnny

According to recent comments made by England dinosaur Roy Hodgson, it isn't his lack of invention or adventure that is killing the English national game, nor is it his unwillingness to kick the ageing, serial underachievers out on their international asses. It is in fact, those pesky foreign imports at Premier League clubs that are making his job more difficult than it should be.

What would be a valid point if say, Glenn Hoddle would have bemoaned such luck, or even Schteve McClaren, but for Hodgson to air such a complaint, sounds like nothing more than the clueless ramblings of a short minded hypocrite.

As he is supposedly such a staunch opponent of the foreign influx into the Premier League, it's only fair to see how he, personally has attempted to combat such a worrying trend during his time in the Premier League.

Let's look at the numbers shall we?

Roy Hodgson has managed four different clubs in the Premier League. Blackburn Rovers, Fulham, Liverpool and West Bromwich Albion.

As Blackburn Rovers were his first Premier League club, it only seems logical to begin there.

During his audacious attempt at taking Blackburn from Premier League Champions to relegation contenders, he signed seventeen players. Out of those seventeen, only four were English, most notably goal-shy target man Kevin Davies and forgotten footballer Ashley Ward.

Yes, you read that correctly. Four English players out of seventeen, just four. That's around 23% of his signings that were aiding him in his fight against foreign.

After a spell away from the English game, Roy returned to England to take charge of Fulham during the 2007-08 season. His first transfer window saw him strengthen the struggling southerners with six new players. None of which were English! Not bucking such trend, Roy made a further twenty-five signings during his time at Craven Cottage, with a 'massive' count of nine players being English. Players including pint-sized left back Nicky Shorey, and injury-plagued Andrew Johnson brought in for big money.

The figures at his time in charge of Fulham read; thirty-one signed, with only nine of which were eligible to play for England. Another fail from Roy.

Moving up north and to his time at Liverpool, I'm going to purposely ignore most of that car crash, focusing solely on the kick-and-rush disciple's transfer dealings. As foreign crap like Milan Jovanovic and Christian Poulsen walked through the doors at Anfield, so did the likes Jonjo Shelvey, Joe Cole and left-back impersonator Paul Konchesky.

Surprise, surprise, once again a look at Roy's dealing shows that only 38% of them could now accept a cap from Hodgson. A paltry figure from a man who is now blaming the Premier League for a decreasing pool of English talent.

Fear not though, as his reign at West Brom showed a small upturn for the tactical buffoon. The 2011-12 season saw a whopping (for Hodgson at least) 44% of his signings being of English nationality. Players like Billy Jones and Jamie Edge helping Roy achieve a career high of four incoming players eligible to play for the England side during a Premier League transfer window.

Overall, Roy's stats read sixty-five players signed in the Premier League. Of those sixty-five, only twenty-five of them being eligible for England. Another huge fail for Roy in his apparent quest against the foreign imports.

I suppose the only thing left to state following the England man's most recent excuse is 'men lie, women lie, but numbers don't Roy!'

"You're Just a Sh*t Emile Heskey!"

A question, how bad does a player have to be, to be worse than Emile Heskey?

Ah, Emile Heskey. No player in Premier League history, has been a bigger joke figure than Emile Ivanhoe Heskey. A common target for terrace abuse, yet a point of praise from fellow professionals. Big Emile has provided such an amount of pro/con arguments and discussions like no other England/Premier League player ... until now.

So, step forward Manchester United 'striker' Danny Welbeck. With the emergence of the Manchester United player, it seems the laughable lump from Leicester may be about to surrender his joke tag.

Both players we're told by pundits are great 'team players'. But on observation, with a 'fly to light' type of attachment to the ball when in the opponents possession, yet devoid of any real ability to go on any sort of goal-scoring run, it's a mystery to see what they bring.

Forwards are, at least should be judged on goals, and assists.

Whereas Emile Heskey's record is o.k.,  Danny Welbeck's is poor. Shocking in fact.

To be fair, it wasn't always bad for poor Emile. His first 5 full years as a pro were encouraging, the sort you'd expect from a youngster breaking through I'd say. As a winger-turned-forward Heskey's first full season (the 1996/97 campaign) saw him net 10 goals in 35 games, identical to his goal tally and games the following season (he also added 2 assists). The 98/99 season however, saw the big man under the sort of criticism he'd later get used to, after only netting a relatively poor 6 goals in 30 appearances.

Despite this setback, Heskey improved the season after scoring 7 in 23 before making the big move to Liverpool midway through the season for £11m. He'd go on to bag another 3 to once again hit double figures for the season. He followed up that by having his best ever season to date hitting 14 goals in the Premier League for Liverpool, during their unique treble season.

Overall, up to his fifth full season as a pro, Heskey played 172 games scoring 50 goals (also chipping in with 3 assists.) That gives the ex-England international a goal every 3.4 games which to be fair, is a decent record.

All in all, those first 5 years (which are comparable to Welbeck's) show Heskey was decent, and showed a relative, encouraging improvement.

Welbeck on the other hand. Jeez, well ...

Since breaking into the Man Utd senior squad, Danny Welbeck has spent the majority of his professional career thus far in the Premier League. (His only time outside of the top flight being a 8-game stint at Lancashire minnows Preston North End.)

After playing 8 Premier League games for Man Utd in his first two years as a pro, a fresh faced 19 year old Danny Welbeck joined Sunderland on loan for the 2010/11 campaign.

From what many considered a successful campaign, Welbeck scored 6 goals, and claimed an assist in 26 appearances.

Sir Alex Ferguson must have seen something in him while in the North East as he gave the forward a bigger role for the 11/12 campaign, Welbeck's best to date in fact (although he still failed to hit league double numbers). He netted a fairly impressive 9 in 30 goals as Man Utd finished runners up in the Premier League.

Many had hoped Welbeck would push on for the 12/13 season. But he flopped, badly. 1 goal in 27 is a telling tally indeed. Lucky for the Red Devils that they had just bought Robin van Persie and had Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernàndez in reserve.

Welbeck fans like to point to a game Welbeck had against Real Madrid  as proof of Welbeck's quality (like Messi bashers do with the Bayern/Barca tie). Keep hanging your hat on that though reds fans, as the facts tell a different story.

Those facts being Welbeck has played 99 games, and scored a piss-poor (for a forward at least) 17 goals, (adding 8 assists) which gives a goal ratio of a goal every 5.8 games, nearly twice as worse as Heskey. 

So back to the original question, how bad does a player have to be, to be worse than Emile Heskey? The answer - as bad as Danny Welbeck!